A serious Life Update

I know that its been forever since I have blogged so here is a little update. TJ finally decided to get the divorce papers and get them together so we are hopefully soon going to be divorced and I will not have to think about the negative things that have happened in my past. Its almost like the heart ache that I have had for so long over us splitting up is gone and I am very relieved for that because no one will ever know what he put me through and what I went through in the year and five months that we were married.I know that it takes two to cause trouble in a marriage. I am not claiming to be an angel but there are things that TJ did to me that were very uncalled for and now I dont have to worry about things like that anymore. Things in my life are positive now and things are getting better and better by the day.

Like everyone has told me that next time I meet someone that I want to get serious with make sure that we know each other before I decide that I am going to get serious with them. I think that I will make better decisions though because I have learned a lot from the experience that I have had with TJ. I hate to use the word hate because its such a strong word but I can truely say that I hate this man for the things that he has done to me and I hope that someday he realizes that he had a good thing when we were married because I give up everything for him including being close to my family and friends back in Wyoming.

I was baptized the ninth of November here in Safford at the Church Of Christ and I have a great church family here that I love very much, and that is why I am being so stubborn about going home. I have never been to a church where the members were as friendly as the ones are here in Safford. It amazed me the first time that I walked into the church and the way they welcomed me into the church family after I was baptized. I have a lot of friends that I have made down here and I dont want to leave them besides the fact that I dont want to be cold again. In the two years that I have been in Arizona I have not seen snow and its been very nice not really having to be cold.

Questions that I have right now in life

I am not asking for a pity party when I write blogs like this. Its just my feelings and I hope that people understand that that read this because that is not what its intended for. The blog is for your thoughsts and feelings right? This is such a good place for me to vent and get feedback because its all positive and I am not judged on what I write.

I know that everyone is probably sick of me venting and going on and on about my marriage and how it has fallen apart and how things have went so down hill. I am over the part of us splitting up and I have tried moving on with my life but that is the hard part. I am trying to be around as many people that are friends of mine and that care about me here in Arizona but the question that I have is why does TJ get to look like the good one and that I am always the one that did the things wrong in our marriage? I know that he has a serious problem with alcohol that I could not deal with anymore. It was not just a drink every once in a while. It was a lot of alcohol all the time and I could not deal with it anymore. He was very mean because if he did not get his way he would get very angry and tell me that he was going to do things to himself. Trying to put me on a guilt trip and that was wrong of him at least I think that it was.

There was one specific night that he kept me up all night long because we had gotten into a fight because he had been drinking and consumed a lot of alcohol that he was going to kill himself and so needless to say I stayed up all night long with hism so he did not do that but now that I look back at it I should have just went to bed because TJ was never going to do something like that it was just a threat that he was going to do it. Things of this nature were a common occurance around our house especially if I didnt give TJ his way when he wanted more alcohol.

I have heard people say why do bad things happen to good people and I am starting to wonder that myself because I tried my hardest and give my marriage all that I had and look what happened. I am not saying that I was perfect because there is no one that is perfect. I just have that question of why people that give everything to someone and then they throw it away is what I am questioning.

The Great Weekend

This weekend the church that I started going to and got baptized in had a church meeting and it was three days, with three sessions on Sunday. The speaker was a preacher from Tuscon by the name of Eddie Williams and he was an outstanding speaker. He was a very modivational speaker and talked a lot about people getting along and making sure that we love one and other all the time. The meeting was very moving and very eye opening for a lot of people and really made people like me realize that you have to put Jesus number one and then our brothers and sisters number two before we put ourselves and we need to be able to take care of one another and to be able to let things go because Jesus does not want to always be fighting and arguing with each other like the people of today do.

This meeting really opened my eyes for several reasons. The one that hit home the hardest was that I need to work on being more spiritual and not having the want to hold a grudge so much. He also talked a lot about having the ability to look at people as all equal and how to deal with people that think they are better than everyone else and that we need to realize that we need to be able to look at ourselves and realize are we really church members or deciples and church members are the ones that just go on Sunday and really dont do anything else during the week and Deciples are people that actually go to church and go to Bible Study and study out of their Bible more than just on Sunday, which made me really look at myself and made me think of the ways that I need to be a stronger Christian and be able to go to Jesus in prayer. The last month has been a real eye opener for me because I really thought about a lot of stuff last night and decided that I need to actually open it more than I do. More than just a couple times a week. So I have given myself a challenge and hopefully I can stick with the challenge that I have set forth for myself.

Its Amazing How Things Can Turn Around!!!!!

Why is it that things started out so crappy when TJ and I first split up because he kicked me out of the house with nothing and here I am a little over five months later and things are getting better slowly. I have decided to go back to school and do something for myself instead of pleasing everyone else. That is what I had to do when I was married was please everyone else and now I have started to please myself and that is what I am going to continue to do. I have never thought of life this way but things have turned around and they are better than they were ever before.

I have started to go to church at the Church of Christ here in Safford. I actually got baptized last Sunday by a guy that actually invited me to start going to the chuch so I figured that it was only approperiate to let him have he honors to baptize me. I know that some people dont believe it but it has actually changed my outlook on life and it seems like things are getting better and they ar easier to deal with.

Going to church was something that TJ never wanted me to do because he was always afraid that I was going to push him into going to church and I never did but I have always been a fairly religious person and its so nice to be able to be back in the bible now and be able to go to church and go ot the activities that I chose to and I am not looked down upon for that and I have really enjoyed that because I dont have to please anyone but myself. Thanks to the lord above for answering my prayers and being as good as he has to me. In the short time that I have been going to church because I feel like no matter how bad life is if you go to church and you pray about it things will get better.

Feeling another year older.

I have had many ask me if I feel another year older. To answer this question I really dont feel any different than I did last year other than the fact that I am not married anymore which is for the best. Other than that no I really dont feel another year older because it seems the same to me. I am sure that when I hit thirty it might hit me, as for right now it does not seem the same if you know what I mean.
I am loving the weather this year down here just as I did last year. It has cooled off somewhat but its not freezing cold. It was kind of funny the other day we got new uniforms at work and the boss asked me if I wanted any long shirts and I kind of give him a puzzled look and said no not really because I am sure that I will be fine. Today though I realized since we are so close to the mountain that it might be kind of cold so I did ask for some long sleeve shirts even though I dont know if I will wear them or not but thats OK. It was just kind of funny to be asked if I wanted long sleeves because it has been so hot here and now that its cooling off it seems so different.

Today Is October 1st My Birthday

Today is My birthday and my question to myself yesterday was I going to make myself miserable since TJ and I split up and I thought to myself why should I make myself because he obviously does not care about me after all he is the one that kicked me out and everything that is going on. So I woke up this morning and was in a good mood and thought you know what I am going to be happy no matter what I dont have to be depressed because their is no one to drag me down anymore and I can be the person that I want to be.

So, today I am going to lunch with two friends that I work with at the Mine and then I am going to go to dinner with another friend that he and I have become really close over the last couple of weeks and its kind of nice to have someone to talk to besides family that understands the way that I feel and will just let me cry if I need to cry but he always knows how to make me laugh when I need a good laugh and he is always there when I need a hug. In fact he called me at five this morning when he was on his way to work to tell me Happy Birthday and then I talked to my mom and she told me Happy Birthday and then the girls from work called me and invited me to go to lunch so it should be a fun day.

Life Update

I hope this finds everyone well with a busy life and working a lot I dont have time to do much of anything besides work and sleep but I thought that I would let everyone know that I am doing better and that things are slowly getting better day by day. I have some exciting news or at least I think that its exciting. I got contacts kast Thursday and I am really enjoying them. Yes as many of you know I have wore them on and off but now they have became more advanced and they are a lot easier for me to wear now.

Some other news the weather here in Arizona is still hot but its changing slowly but surely and getting somewhat cooler than it does in the middle of the summer and believe me I am looking forward to the cooler weather because I work outside it the heat at the copper mine here in Safford. I am also looking forward to the trip that I am planning to come home for Christmas to see everyone.

The happenings in the last couple of days.

I am doing better and getting used to being alone. Its kind of nice to be able to do what I want when I want and if I want to sleep in and do absolutely nothing for once I can do that and not get yelled at for it or be called lazy or whatever he used to call me.

As for my job I am still working quite a bit and that keeps me busy because then I dont have time to think of TJ and the negative things that he used to do to me. I miss my family and all but I have decided that I need to branch out on my own and decide what I really want to do with my life and I really like Arizona and the fact that I never have to deal with snow. Thedre is a place to stay for anyone that wants to come.

Today is a new day and lets hope that things start to get better. I have decided that things are for the better that TJ and I are apart because all he did was drag me down and make me miserable even though through the first part of our relationship we had a great marriage. I work two jobs now because I am so bored because I have nothing to do with my spare time anymore so that is why I chose to get another job.

I am happier now because I have had to make myself happy and realize their is life outside of being miserable and not being able to do the things that I want to do and when I want to do them. As for everything else I am planning a trip home at Christmas time and I know that I am going to freeze because I am used to the warm weather down here but it will also be nice to see all the family and to just relax and do nothing for a few days.