Questions that I have right now in life

I am not asking for a pity party when I write blogs like this. Its just my feelings and I hope that people understand that that read this because that is not what its intended for. The blog is for your thoughsts and feelings right? This is such a good place for me to vent and get feedback because its all positive and I am not judged on what I write.

I know that everyone is probably sick of me venting and going on and on about my marriage and how it has fallen apart and how things have went so down hill. I am over the part of us splitting up and I have tried moving on with my life but that is the hard part. I am trying to be around as many people that are friends of mine and that care about me here in Arizona but the question that I have is why does TJ get to look like the good one and that I am always the one that did the things wrong in our marriage? I know that he has a serious problem with alcohol that I could not deal with anymore. It was not just a drink every once in a while. It was a lot of alcohol all the time and I could not deal with it anymore. He was very mean because if he did not get his way he would get very angry and tell me that he was going to do things to himself. Trying to put me on a guilt trip and that was wrong of him at least I think that it was.

There was one specific night that he kept me up all night long because we had gotten into a fight because he had been drinking and consumed a lot of alcohol that he was going to kill himself and so needless to say I stayed up all night long with hism so he did not do that but now that I look back at it I should have just went to bed because TJ was never going to do something like that it was just a threat that he was going to do it. Things of this nature were a common occurance around our house especially if I didnt give TJ his way when he wanted more alcohol.

I have heard people say why do bad things happen to good people and I am starting to wonder that myself because I tried my hardest and give my marriage all that I had and look what happened. I am not saying that I was perfect because there is no one that is perfect. I just have that question of why people that give everything to someone and then they throw it away is what I am questioning.

The Great Weekend

This weekend the church that I started going to and got baptized in had a church meeting and it was three days, with three sessions on Sunday. The speaker was a preacher from Tuscon by the name of Eddie Williams and he was an outstanding speaker. He was a very modivational speaker and talked a lot about people getting along and making sure that we love one and other all the time. The meeting was very moving and very eye opening for a lot of people and really made people like me realize that you have to put Jesus number one and then our brothers and sisters number two before we put ourselves and we need to be able to take care of one another and to be able to let things go because Jesus does not want to always be fighting and arguing with each other like the people of today do.

This meeting really opened my eyes for several reasons. The one that hit home the hardest was that I need to work on being more spiritual and not having the want to hold a grudge so much. He also talked a lot about having the ability to look at people as all equal and how to deal with people that think they are better than everyone else and that we need to realize that we need to be able to look at ourselves and realize are we really church members or deciples and church members are the ones that just go on Sunday and really dont do anything else during the week and Deciples are people that actually go to church and go to Bible Study and study out of their Bible more than just on Sunday, which made me really look at myself and made me think of the ways that I need to be a stronger Christian and be able to go to Jesus in prayer. The last month has been a real eye opener for me because I really thought about a lot of stuff last night and decided that I need to actually open it more than I do. More than just a couple times a week. So I have given myself a challenge and hopefully I can stick with the challenge that I have set forth for myself.

Its Amazing How Things Can Turn Around!!!!!

Why is it that things started out so crappy when TJ and I first split up because he kicked me out of the house with nothing and here I am a little over five months later and things are getting better slowly. I have decided to go back to school and do something for myself instead of pleasing everyone else. That is what I had to do when I was married was please everyone else and now I have started to please myself and that is what I am going to continue to do. I have never thought of life this way but things have turned around and they are better than they were ever before.

I have started to go to church at the Church of Christ here in Safford. I actually got baptized last Sunday by a guy that actually invited me to start going to the chuch so I figured that it was only approperiate to let him have he honors to baptize me. I know that some people dont believe it but it has actually changed my outlook on life and it seems like things are getting better and they ar easier to deal with.

Going to church was something that TJ never wanted me to do because he was always afraid that I was going to push him into going to church and I never did but I have always been a fairly religious person and its so nice to be able to be back in the bible now and be able to go to church and go ot the activities that I chose to and I am not looked down upon for that and I have really enjoyed that because I dont have to please anyone but myself. Thanks to the lord above for answering my prayers and being as good as he has to me. In the short time that I have been going to church because I feel like no matter how bad life is if you go to church and you pray about it things will get better.